The Player

helen

The long-awaited Michelle story begins. I hope you remember the Special Guest Star...

I've completed the series, but chapters 2-4 still need serious work. I'm not sure whether chapter 3 needs to be split into two. It's very long, but there's no good place to make the break. And chapter 2 is too short.

fmerommel

Yes! When it opened in the restaurant setting I started getting excited and then I realized it was that guest star. Loved how you used the time jump to let Michelle and Kayla be friends (Kayla as matchmaker made me laugh out loud). And that whole longer dialogue scene in the bar worked so well. The perfect mix of exposition, character development, and seduction. It made the following erotic scenes that much more effective. So excited to read the rest!

helen

Yeah, the timing would be close to present day, where Rider and the end of Mentor were about a year ago. Kayla hinted at the end of Mentor that finding out about Michelle's past had gone a long way toward them reconciling, since she felt Michelle's wife had been an abuser.

I did like Anita's comment about what happened the last time Kayla and Michelle had gone drinking together... 🙂

Also, the Special Guest Star did show up one time outside of her introduction. It was in Caffeine, but she wasn't named. I think that's been mentioned before.

helen

helen Yes! Found it! https://f.fantasiesofseduction.org/d/80-the-ropers-typo/11

helen

helen I think the "view from behind" has become her main claim to fame.

She did claim it was on the cover of Vogue.

fmerommel

Yes! I remember now. I need to go back and reread the stories when she shows up. I also really liked the clash of two tops in this one. Its a dynamic I don't think you've ever done and it felt so genuine.

fmerommel

Are the 2 new chapters the rest of the story? Or did you find a place to break up chapter 3? Caught this on my lunch break so I'll have to start reading tonight!

helen

fmerommel I decided not to break up chapter 3, so it's kinda long. There will be one more chapter, but it's in more need of work than the earlier ones were.

fmerommel

About to start chapter 4! Your dialogue scenes in chapter 2 in the coffee shop continue to shine. The dialogue has moved beyond just setting up the characters for the eventual hook-up. Now they sparkle with wit, and banter that feels so genuine and reflects the characters. I enjoyed Chapter 3 as well even though I've never been as much of a fan of group sex stories haha. It's mostly me because I'm trying to picture where each character is, where their hands, mouth are, etc. and all the mental gymnastics take me out of the scene lol. But where any other writer might just insert 2 fangirls and focus on the sex, you add so much character development to the 2 girls that it makes it so fun to read.

fmerommel

And that final chapter was amazing! That final "sexposition" scene while they try to define what they have without labeling it was so good. Also loved the reference to Sophie and more clues about how she can afford that place haha